We discussed our futures last weekend. It's been about a year since we started dating.
For awhile now, I've been questioning if this is the kind of relationship I want, and if this is the one relationship I want to commit to. Factors such as not knowing how long I want to stay and live in Korea, being able to put up with his ex who keeps popping back into his life, and being away from my family in America, have started making me think about my future with him.
So over some beer and 부대지개 (a Korean stew of everything thrown in--hot dogs, onions, various other vegetables and meats), I asked what he really thought about our future. He said that as much as he loves me, he feels a little guilty for holding me back from my dreams as a writer. Nam-chin is one of the most supportive guys I've ever come across, even with the language barrier sometimes.
He encourages me to keep with my writing, and he gets turned on when we discuss story concepts and ideas. He keeps telling me that's what sealed the deal for him--the first time we sat down at a soju bar and discussed the stories I'd written for class in college, he said he was drawn by my passion for writing.
I actually hate writing these days. It's become such a chore, and I don't look upon it with favor. Even keeping consistent with this blog makes me groan.
Anyways, he said that he foresees our future as coming to an end when I return to America. A part of me felt a sting with these words, but a part of me also agreed and was relieved we were on the same page.
Ever since having that conversation, I've been feeling a little less "involved" in the relationship. I don't want to say I've lost hope in the relationship, but now I'm a lot less overly worked on certain issues that used to piss me off, which I'll cover later in another blog.
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